Mission: Today

 I am life's soldier

And like any good soldier I'm given good missions

Nay, I am not assigned the tasks of those worlds away

"Flank the enemy at dawn! Kill or be killed!"

"Can you grab half a pound of ham from Stop and Shop before lunch? I know you have to pick up your gay pills from the pharmacy today."

Many of my missions are self-assigned

Today's a real doozy

1. Fill up your gas tank so you can get to (6 PM) and from (2 AM) work today.

You can probably make the drive on what you have now but you don't wanna risk it

Also you'll need gas before going to Connecticut for a Speed Racer (2008) watch party later this week

Might meet up with your newest lover on the way back

She said she wants a "boob hickey"

1b. Figure out what a "boob hickey" is before visiting your newest lover

2. Purchase skin moisturizer

3. Purchase a pocket notebook

4. If possible, purchase a CD of Ween's 1991 album The Pod.

I like to get CDs of albums that I imagine would be fun to listen to with friends

I've always wanted to listen to The Pod with friends

Any time I've thought of putting on The Pod around friends I don't

The only bra I have is in the wash

It's a loaner from my sister

She's about a month into her first semester of college in Seattle

I asked her what it was like at home when I left for college

She said mom cried on the floor of her bedroom

I commence the mission with my nipples poking through my shirt

Ween's The Pod is already playing on my car stereo

I figure if I buy the CD I can just throw it in the player and pick up from wherever I left off on streaming

Maybe I'll start it over

A lot of the jams are in the first half

The pump keeps kicking back and ceasing to dispense as if my tank is full

I know damn well that I need more than $12 worth of gas

Two motorcyclists are parked side by side at the pump in front of my car

They take turns passing it between themselves and filling up their cycles

Amongst hand-offs one of them brings the nozzle to their lips and pulls the trigger

Their friend gestures at their own open mouth

The other aims and shoots a steady stream of gas down their gullet

My pump clicks and goes limp

This is my second time being in CVS in the past 24 hours

It's the only place in my town that's open 'round the clock

A 24-Hour CVS

The first time I was in here was last night around 11 PM

There was a group of teenage girls filing out of the exit and seating themselves in a line on the curb

I was out of pens and came for a fresh pack

I have trouble doing anything without a pen in my pocket

While I was in line for self-checkout someone at one of the stations turned towards me

I recognized her from high school

I couldn't recall anything about her

There was a girl beside her

Her vibrant clothing stood out against the girl from high school's college hoodie and jeans

I took their place as they shuffled to the sliding doors

Maybe she was friends with someone I dated

When I walk outside the two are in the car parked next to mine

They are making out

On my second trip to CVS nothing of note occurs

I haven't been to a Bull Moose since they fired an entire store's staff

Abruptly and without explanation

That store is the one closest to me

It's the only place I can think of in my area that would have pocket notebooks and (hopefully) a CD of Ween's The Pod

There is someone wandering around the aisles near the notebooks

I stare at them and try to figure out if they're trans

For the rest of my time at Bull Moose I have to actively steer my path from mirroring theirs

The only pocket notebooks they have come in a pack of eight and have monsters on the front cover

The only Ween CDs they have are Quebec, Shinola Vol. 1, and At the Cat's Cradle 1992

The line for the register ends with the maybe-trans so I walk over to the vinyl section

As I browse the clearance records underneath the bins I feel self-conscious about how close I am getting to the two people sitting on the floor discussing their gripes with vinyl

The drive home is soaking with disappointment

I only completed three of my four tasks

Later my lover texts me and says that she only completed one of three