if i was in williamburg 2007 (IF ALEX WAS A NEW YORKER STORY) i wi

 wish i was in dime square id rule fucking dime square ive never been to new york in my entire life ever but if i was there back in the day man things would be different id rule that fucking city no cap... 

if i was in williamsburg 2007 id be slinging dope shit out of my mouth constantly my blog would be doing mad numbers id be like a big rockstar without even having to play shows at Babies All Right Brooklyn (peee yuuuu xD) everyone would know my name when i wak into the room adam green will bow to me and kiss my feet like the little fag he is and hand me his cum crusted guitar and ill play like a david bowie album cut on it and everyone will think i wrote it because they have a collective 75 iq new york hipsters are to this day the most stupid and spineless people on planet earth and i could rule witha n iron fist

if i was in williamsburg2007 id be friends with like all the strokes but especially julian casablancas and wed hang out and walk down the bowery and every time we walk down the bowery we see james murphy standing in front of the closed down CBGB (Cant Be Givinitup Baby) and hes like weeping and crying bc he never played their like his punk rock heroes metallica and green day and julian and i will go over and pee on him like really piss on him and laugh and maybe kiss each other a bit while james murphy is all soaked in piss like a big fat beared guy crying over  a punk club soaked in piss watching me and julian casablancas really french kiss and grab each others j*nk

if i was in williamsburg 2007 i could have saved sam hyde while he was still hot

if i was in williamburg 2007 i would have like a dope terry richardson 35mm point and shoot and take AMERICAN APPARELLL style photos of all my rich and famous friends like vincent giallo

if i was in williamsburg 2007 i wouldnt be a tranny bc it was cool to be "metrosexual" without it being like a gay (pejorative) thing like kevin barnes or richard simmons

if i was in williamsburgg 2007 id own a gun

BUT

WE ARENT THERE AND WE WILL NEVER BE THERE

SORRY!!!!