I need thousands of friends or I will die

I drove my neighbor to get Plan B for the second time this year

She got into the car livestreaming from her furry TikTok account which I'm told has a big following

I thought about giving her a lecture on how her boyfriend should be more careful

Walgreens and CVS were both out of it

I wondered where it all went

Probably into the stomachs of some cum-filled somebodies

She convinced me to drive her to an exotic pet store in New Hampshire

Not the craziest thing she convinced me to do this week

Snapped out of a trance last Tuesday after handing her a new e-cig

I was in the middle of having a breakdown over people always taking advantage of me

We stopped at a Walgreens near the pet store and finally found the B

I tried to open the plastic casing with my keys and accidentally scraped a few layers off of my thumb skin

She was playing songs off her phone that she had been listening to during her most recent visit to the psych ward

The Veggie Tales theme song

I finally got the box open at the gas station

I dropped it next to the brand new fish on her lap

First time I’ve had a fish in my car

When I got back in she dry swallowed the pill and asked if we could go to Petco to get a rat

I turned up the music and thought about being a rockstar

I might be doomed to be an artist