israel adventure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when i was about 19 years old i went on a free tour of israel provided by some very rich pedophiles who give out a lot of free tours of israel. i extended my trip for a few weeks to wander around. i stayed with a friend at first then i just kind of drifted from hostel to hostel.

the last couple of days in israel i stayed in tel aviv. i slept on the bottom bunk of a mixed-gender dorm. i never saw the guy who slept above me but his stuff was there. in the bunk bed to the right of me was two swedish guys in their late 20s who both chewed tobacco and worked at restaurants. in the bunk bed in front of me were two german girls in their early 20s. at night before they would go to bed they would read each other translated flannery o'connor stories from a hardcover book.

one night one of the german girls invited me to go out to a club with them. i said that i was meeting someone but i might text them later. i took a bus and got off at a random stop then walked to the beach. it was a long walk and i peed against a wall until someone with a gun started shouting at me so i shoved my still pissing cock back into my pants and ran. i sat on the beach for ten minutes and drank a few 50ml mini-plastic liquor bottles and watched nothing happen. 

the walk back to the hostel was nice. the streets were empty. when i got back i went up to the roof and started talking to this brazilian couple. i asked them why they came to israel and they told me the flights were cheap. 

no one was in the the hostle dorm when i came back so i laid in bed. one of the german girls and one of the swedish guys came into the room about ten minutes later. i laid still facing the wall to my left. they started making out. the swedish guy noticed me and the german girl said that it was okay and that i was asleep. they began to have sex on the swedish guy's top bunk. he came in a few minutes, hopped out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. when he was gone the german girl whispered that she was sorry and that she probably should have gone somewhere else. i laid still facing the wall to my left.

in the morning i went to a cafe and ate a plate of eggs and a salad. i took a bus to jerusalem for the day and prayed and then i took a bus back to tel aviv and got on a plane to toronto. i ate at a wahlburgers at the airport. donnie wahlberg was there and he kicked me out because little bitch boys who cry over accidently hearing german girls get railed aren't allowed to eat at wahlburgers. ted 2 was playing on a tv outside the restaurant and i missed my flight because i was too busy watching ted 2.